An overdue post – my breast cancer is back

This post is probably over due and I have been remiss in not letting people know what is happening. Here is the short version: I have been diagnosed again with breast cancer. The longer version of how I feel is below…

Bad things happen…

This seems to be a theme over the last few days in a lot of my conversations. It started when my close friend was rear ended at a red light and she asked me “Why do these things keep happening? What am I doing?”

I have asked myself this a lot lately. Mainly because I have been diagnosed with cancer…again. And the burning question in my mind is just that: what did I do? Could I have been kinder, gentler, petted more puppies, bought more people coffee in line at Starbucks and definitely not said “fuck” so often…on that basis alone I should have a lifetime of not great. I did forget to mention the seven times I had a drink last year. Note the emphasis on “a”.

Maybe, just maybe, the reality is that none of us did anything. The dumb woman behind my friend was texting while she was driving. Maybe the only lesson here is that people should not be distracted while they are in a moving vehicle that weighs several thousand pounds. Because when they do they run into other people. Wake up. You are not the only person in the universe.

During my first cancer diagnosis a woman I know kindly took my arm and with a great deal of concern in her voice informed me “the universe was trying to teach me a lesson”. My prairie upbringing – rat shooting, can fillet a fish, pitch a tent small town roots showed through my thin veneer of urbanity and I almost decked her and said “There, now the universe has taught you a lesson – don’t be a bitch.” What stopped me was the echo of my mother’s voice. She always believed in the high road. Oddly she had cancer as well…

I am not advocating that you do whatever you want because there are no consequences and it doesn’t matter. You can’t get behind the wheel of a vehicle drunk. You can’t text while you are driving, …but convincing yourself that all of your choices are leading to your current state is starting to make my blood boil. I didn’t choose to have a cancer. Not the first time. Not this time. I am fairly certain that none of the people I know who are behind this particular eight ball made that choice either. BTW – I don’t really know what that means. Is the eight ball harder than all of the other balls and you don’t want to get hit by it? Obviously I don’t play pool. Should I add that to the list of things I haven’t done that have currently caused my predicament?

The only thing I know for certain is for my friend and me – madness lies in trying to figure out what we have done.  So I offer just a small opinion:

Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to bad people. And maybe… just maybe good things happen to good people. I am waiting for that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “An overdue post – my breast cancer is back

  1. Valerie Konechny

    Tina,

    I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer too on Friday the 13th of November…something about that day.
    I ended up having a bi-lateral mastectomy on Christmas Eve. After the surgery, I was informed that I too had Stage 2B. (And it was in one lymph node)…I pray that the Dr’s get it all this time for you.

    Reply
    1. Tina Martel

      Hi Valerie,

      I did not expect the second diagnosis. It was a blow. I am NED right now. And I pray the same. Thank you for your wishes. Let me know how you manage. We girls need to stick together.

      tina

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.